10+ smart moms shared some helpful tips on how to take kids from hitting to hugging

Its a human nature to get aggressive on certain matters. But this should not lead to abnormality. I personally believe, anger is the perfect demonstration of emotionally healthy individual. The problem comes where this sentiment becomes unmanageable and takes a devastating twist thus leading to several misunderstandings among precious relationships and ultimately leaves negative impacts on one’s life. However, we are also surrounded by positive energies and an opposite reaction to such a sentiment always proves worthwhile.
While dealing with kids, it is highly important to treat them in a constructive way because we don’t get to know that how and when we are grooming them unnoticeably. Toddlers are not sophisticated beings and at times it becomes extremely difficult to tackle their tantrums.
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Hitting is nowhere in my “Allowed List” but sometimes when everyone at home at once start pointing fingers toward kid. Kid eventually gets stubborn and opposes to the max of his capacity, thinking of his self esteem might be in danger. So the need of the hour is to ignore him and make him realize himself that what he has done is not at all acceptable. But not by words but by action and behaviour. Its never a good idea to keep on saying “Not to do” when someone else is stopping him too at the same moment. Explain him afterwards that how embarrasing the situation was when he was behaving that way but only when he is alone with you. So explain him how he will be punished next if he would hit someone. And how he is going to lose so many of his valuable toys in case this hitting happens again!!!
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Scolding publically can make him act even worse, in your effort to give (Perfect rules wali mom look) in public, you are actually ruining his personality. He will copy you and will depict the same in public. Actions speak louder than words. Try to set gestures with your kids. Make them understand “Hitting is something that devils do” “Hitting makes your face look like a devil’s face” and all the logics that you think, will make sense to your kids. But spanking is never an effective parenting tool !!
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How a mother should control her kid’s temper is perfectly described by few brilliant moms in this blog which I hope, will definitely help every reader out there.

1. Alifya Asim:

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The way to deal with them varies from child to child and also depends on the age.. A very young child is to be dealt in a different manner and the older one in an entirely different way. Also the factor that lead to hitting need to be considered. Let’s speak of a child who is around 2 and a half years of age and has suddenly started hitting or pushing other children. The cause could be that maybe he has seen this behavior around him, or the child considers this as a way of interacting with other kids.. At this young age when the mind formation is taking place the important thing is not to bash or nag the child.. That way would actually reinforce his behavior if you directly pinpoint his mistake… The smart way to deal with it is to convert the negative behavior in to positive…. Keep a vigilant eye and when for instance he is about to hit someone just turn into a positive thing for example “Oh you want to shake hands” or “oh you wanna hug” and you do it for him…. Also constantly pressurising him wouldn’t do any good so better to be tactful than direct.. On the other hand if we speak of a child who is much older around 4 years, he can understand things well.. If the previous approach doesn’t work on him then maybe you can be a bit firm that for instance take away his reward or give him some incentive. Also encourage the child to socialise with those kids more often.. Exchanging gifts may help too.

With older lot that is above 6 years counseling works best as they are in the age of reasoning. Normally these kids don’t go around hitting randomly in fact there is a reason behind it so better to have an open relationship with them and ask them what caused them to hit someone. The cause should also be dealt with but most importantly the child must be made aware that hitting is not the solution to any problem. The cons of hitting could be emphasized upon.

2. Hina Zahra:

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I am a mother of a 21 months old boy. He has a very friendly nature Ma sha Allah. Everyone holds him, cuddles him, plays with him and in response he gives kisses and huggies and he loves to be loved but the problem arises when he starts hitting directly on face which is totally unacceptable for me .We usually have a very friendly, well maintained and fresh environment at home and i personally never ever expect this from my child.
At start, i used to feel very guilty when his father, grandma, grandpa and any relative used to get directly slapped from him, it literally horrifies me. Then gradually i started observing what could be the reason behind this? Is anything wrong from my side?
First thing i found was, his screen time was getting more and he always wanted mobile in hands. He never wanted to play with me, he was no more interested in his toys.
Secondly what he was watching, was my major concern.
One day i was going through the history and there i find our superheroes, my son’s favourite yes our spiderman superman blah blah!!! I watched only one video and there I got my answer. Superheroes were playing and hitting themselves side by side. Hitting was included in playing so be watchful what your kid is watching. Kids definitley apply what they watch so i concluded to give him mobile in my presence. If i am in kitchen, i prefer to make a sitting place for him, i play any interesting video like learning colours etc and start repeating all with him on daily basis. Yes after 2 months i got my result, No bad videos, no frustating videos, no idiotic and less conceptual videos and  finally No bad habits!!! Secondly i would like to add one thing more here, make your child your best friend, trust him, understand him, conversate with him about what is wrong, what is bad, why he should not be hitting, what adverse effects it could give, how this could hurt someone. You must have a voice box for your child in his first 5 years and one day he will definitely understand.

I used to be quite busy with households, thinking its my responsibility and used to give zero time to my ownself and my child but then I realized No, my first and foremost duty is a better upbringing of my child. So what I concluded, I just mentioned :)

3. Summan Umer:

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Your little ones sometimes overly cramped with their emotions, may bespeak aggressive behavior. Rather than overpowering by yelling or fixing punishments on them try to know the roots of this mess. His monkey business may be a reflection of his demand for sleep, food or even your attention. So if you respond with harshness his behavior will persist and more likely to reappear. Tips to successfully tackling this, is to primarily build and maintain a healthy relationship with your children. As you connect and protect, a child will begin to share with you the passionate feelings that drive her impulse to hit. Listening to a child’s feelings, while preventing her from hurting anyone, allows a child to release the underlying fear, so she can relax and see others as her friends, rather than as a threat. Odd as it may seem, children who hit are children who are afraid. So set up opportunities to connect with your child more often, and more fully. You pour in your support; she pours out her fear and upset. A frightened child develops aggressive behavior that flares any time she feels tense. Instead of crying or saying, she tightens up, can’t ask for help, and lashes out by hitting. So in that case, watch for the signs of his increasing tightness and set some proactive limits as by giving her/him an eye contact or try hooking your arm around the frequent hitter’s midsection, and gently nudging her/him a step away from the other children. Lastly, just be a calm and confident leader of your children.

4. Syeda Masooma Sajid:

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Children are able to learn much faster because their learning is natural.
A child kneely observe the incidents and behaviors revolving around him. As Parents are physically bigger and stronger than children. They also know more than children and, because their brains are fully developed, they are capable of greater self-control. When a parent tries to get children to behave better by hitting them, that parent is telling them that hitting people who are smaller and weaker than you is an acceptable way of getting what you want from them. Why should it surprise that parent when their children beat up smaller children at school?We as parents frequently get out of control when they hit children.Giving yourself permission to physically discipline your children puts YOU at risk for becoming an abuser. As adults, we frequently come home frustrated, tired, and angry. We haven’t the patience to deal with what our kids may be dishing out. Once you begin hitting the child who is pushing your buttons, you will experience enormous relief. And that pleasant relief can drive you to hit even more, even harder.
The likelihood is that you will go over the line. Pretty soon, you will be giving yourself permission to hit your child for even the slightest infraction because you will have become addicted to that rush of relief you get from hitting someone defenseless.like wise when a child needs something or see you loving his younger siblings makes him angry, when he feels he is not getting much attention he devolpes a grudge for everyone n the reaction drives him crazy n he become “monster” start hitting everyone who talk against him, for taking kids from hitting to hugging firstlt we should correct ourselves by understanding that punishment and restricting privileges will not help your kid learn to control himself. It sounds like you are trying to do some problem-solving, no you are not despite making him civilized or discipliner. While ,discipline is based on the quality of a child’s relationship with the care provider (a teacher in the classroom, and mom and dad at home). When a child receives consistent response from a caring adult, trust, deep attachment and a sense of being wanted develops. This forms the foundation of good behavior and effective discipline. Kids have full faith in parents as well as they afraid from them this is why when they hit someone or did something wrong they fear from them, now as parents its our first n foremost duty to make ur kids comfortable with you, talk to them why they hit others what r the reasons behind it? Is the person ur kid hitting harassing him??is he feeling uncomfortable with him is this the reason hitting one? One thing more teach ur child that,”sharing is the way of caring” .
Saying Sorry is not a big issue, saying sorry doesn’t make u guilty it will make u good one in front of all.one “Sorry” can bring many things to u, just talk to them give them time rather than iPad make them friends hug them on minor deeds so they will learn hugging and forgiving .
Teach the child the right choice of words to use when apologizing. For instance, teach your child to say “excuse me” and “I’m sorry” when apologizing. A heartfelt apology that is genuine goes a long way in restoring love and peace between you and the person that has been offended. When you offend your child, you should also apologize using polite language and utmost sincerity with a warm hug, keep your arms around ur child for a long time so he ll feel good n develops a sense of love.
The best time to teach a child something new is when the child is still young. As such, teach your child how to apologize when they are still young. Let your child know that it is not right to hurt others but when it happens, it is only right to apologize. You can teach your child to hug and verbalize an apology to other children or any other person they may have hurt. Such a lesson imparts a child’s life positively and makes it possible to for them to relate well with other people; the young and old alike. tell them about the “jadoo ki japphi” I am sure they’ll adopt it and try to give them dheer saari jadoo ki jhappiyan

5. Fizza Abbas:

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Being a mother of beautiful bunch of girls, I don’t really come across this issue of mass destruction or cranky fights- but yes one thing that in my opinion remains same for both boys or girls is level of understanding that parents have with their children.

The amount of attention and love mother and father instill in their child will help them groom their personal aspects which in turn reduces the chances of exchanging blows and induces love and endearment.

Also their sense of understanding and feel of sisterhood/brotherhood enables them understand that its not about them versus each other but THEM versus the world. Since its a strong and powerful peice of thought therefore it develops with time as they grow and grasp how the world works.

In case they hit other children or elders, then make them understand the negative consequences of their irrelevant attitude. Take them aside politely and threat them that if it continues like this, then they are not going to enjoy any facilities.

6. Aaleen Zaryab:

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Hi. I am a child counsellor and mommy of three kids. In my opinion, from the very first day, if you see your kids being aggressive or hitting others, take a step. Never take it light that it becomes their habit.
1: Spend quality time with them individually.
2: NEVER compare them.
3: Be a good role model, show them self control rather then dictating them. As children adopt what they see practically, rather than what has been told to them.
4: Make them pray and create a connection with God.
5. Teach them to be their own best friend and love themselves. Explain them the fact that people who love themselves, never let their personality to be spoiled by being stubborn and aggressive infront of others.

7. Shanzeh Asra:

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Just give a hug or a pup in response and show more affection and love by physical affiliation because the strength of such association is incalculable. And kindness is the key to mould stubborn children.

8. Rubab Bilal:

What I believe is, children clearly depict the culture that has been shown to them. If he would see his parents always fighting and even scolding him all the time and not just scolding but hitting him too, then eventually he would copy the same and will be the same as his parents. If environment at home is friendly and parents are educated + cultured, then I don’t think he would be that much aggressive but anger is part of human nature. As far as it is not hurting anyone, its normal.

The best time to convey your message to them is their sleep time. Hug them tight. Explain facts.

Parents make mistake when they don’t stop them for the very first time when they hit. Take action. Don’t be harsh. But stop them rightaway.

Never hurt their self respect. Be kind. Be open to them that what is acceptable and what is not.

9. Madiha Batool:

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Helping a child stop hitting, first you need to understand the fears that cause trouble for a child. Those who hit, usually have their roots in some frightened experience earlier in their life which leads them to develop aggressive behaviour.
As a mother, helping my child to get out of this aggressive behaviour, I always follow up three tools to stop the hitting and welcome Hugging.
《Build a Stronger Connection.
《Be listen.
《Stay Close.
Special time is a tool for building connections. Pay warm affection n attention. This helps a child to see that he is important to you. In this special time,a mother has to listen her child with attention to relax his mind.
Secondly, when child cries, stay listen. It means staying close, leaving all the home chores and secure her form the problems. Ignoring a child is a big reason to disrupt a character.
Lastly, limits are very helpful, you notice trouble coming. Intervene them in the kindest possible way. These are little, but very helpful steps that I Supposed to experience in day to day life and practical enough for me atleast from taking my child to Hugging.

10. Anum Shehzad:

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There are many cases that your little child might become aggressive in his early childhood and try to hit every person when he or she become angry or see things that are not going according to him or her. The reason is excess love of grand parents that spoils kids as they always stop their daughter in law and son not to say anything to their grandchild (hmara ladla ha ye to kuch na kaho isko jo krta ha krnay do) These type of words often called by grand parents. Although mother and father always try to teach their child how to behave properly in different situations . In such situations, kid doesn’t like to share their toys with other kids and even if their parents are spending time with relatives, they dislike it. And in result they start hitting kids and relatives too. So solution is to educate grand parents by love that this way of giving love is wrong, ask grand parents to teach right and wrong to their grandchildren. I have witnessed many good Grandparents aswell who play a better role than parents in developing good manners.
The other reason a kid attempts hitting is that whether he or she might be sleepless or hungry in these situations they start hitting their elder ones. To stop them from hitting parents or who so ever dealing with that child, must behave politely and try to calm down that child. And try to fulfill what he/she wants but rememmber first try to exercise them some patience then give or do what he or she wants, beware not to fulfill their demands immediately on hitting otherwise they always try to use this trick for fulfill their demands.
Another reason might be psychological problems with some kids in which if parents are failed to stop their child from hitting, they must consult a good therapist who deals in behavioural management of kids. I have witnessed that these therapies really work.
Concluding my words, excess love spoils.

11. Noorulain Ali:

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Skipping my Intro, as there is not much to tell about me! I will directly move to tips which are absolutely applicable in my case when dealing my son:
  1. Pretend that you are not at all getting bothered. Sometimes ignorance is the best policy so the ongoing emotion does not get heightened.

  2. Divert their attention towards their favorite activity that could be either drawing, painting, reading or watching some adventurous movie.

  3. Be careful, never ever scold them in front of other beings as it may hurt their self-esteem.

  4. You can also start telling them a story featuring a rude character and how an affectionate soul helped him and reversed his harsh attitude towards peace and tranquility. Tell them how controlled angers can conquer the world.

  5. It is very important for him to control his actions. You being a parent need to have discussions about different feelings and emotions and mark a deadline that getting angry is your right but hitting something or someone is totally unacceptable. Anger and aggression must be accurately differentiated.

  6. You are a role model for your child. Set yourself as an example in front of your kid and avoid to over react while you are angry. Be cautious in your normal routines because children are keen observers. Explain him any of your event when you calmly handled a frustrating situation.

  7. Ask them to draw or write their feelings on a paper at the sensitive time and allow them to tear the paper and blow pieces in air. Ensure them that their anger is now thrown away.

  8. Teach your child to reduce stress by a slow inhale to a count of five, pause for two seconds and then slow exhale again to a count of five. Ask him to carry out the sequence and he will be highly relieved of that tensed feeling.

  9. Console your childs aggression by ensuring him that you really respect his feelings and sentiments but this is not the right time to overreact. Temporarily make your child sure that you stand with him. It will definitely prevent him from physically experiencing his extreme anger.

 

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noorulainali
 

I am a blogger and a keen observer too. I like to put up light on issues that we come across everyday in our practical lives. The blog revolves around correcting our ownselves, watching where we are lacking and fixing our own mistakes. My aim is to motivate my readers, make them smile with confidence. So, this blog focusses on bringing positivity in our thoughts. Stay updated ! Keep in touch :)

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