Coping with change after having the first baby!
Mostly couples get detached with passage of time especially when the first kid is born. There are different theories. Different people take it with different perspectives. Few are of opinion that it is a strain on a relationship and you can’t enjoy it as you used to enjoy before having a baby. Distance comes in between. Reason may include change of priorities and insufficient interaction with each other due to increased childcare responsibilities. This happens when you start taking each other for granted, fade time of marriage starts. BUT let me put forth my opinion here.
Having a first baby is a matchless feeling for both parents. For the time being, you may think that you are unable to give each other much time but as a matter of fact, baby strengthens up your relationship. He gives you more power to stay connected. Atleast you will think millions of time about him/her before getting separated in case a critical time comes on your marriage. Contrary to this, if he is not born and testing time comes on your marriage, you might can just take action. So result is obvious that a baby holds the marriage thread so strongly that he won’t let couples drift apart. Still instances do exist which mainly require to be avoided otherwise future of the baby gets into unsafe hands.
To keep relationship alive and joyous, couples need to remain naughty yet funny. Once you succeed in following below mentioned tips, adapting to change would not be that difficult. You will have conflicting feelings but that’s part of game. Schedule things wisely and you will not be sad anymore!
1. Lessen your outside commitments.
Rather going out with friends, try to spend time together with baby. Forget those late night parties for some time. Your baby has arrived. There is a big change in routine that needs to be settled. His sleeping disorders destroy sleep of both parents. It takes time setting up a whole new routine. Keep some space from friends and social circle for specific period of time. Focus on your family time!
2. Schedule baby’s sleep with yours.
Either baby’s sleep will be scheduled with yours or your’s with baby’s sleep. Make decision. Better would be to make baby sleep according to your timing. Your timings should not be late at night too. Lack of sleep can lower down your temperament so sleep well especially when baby sleeps, just prefer sleeping even in odd hours. As you don’t have to manage household work for initial days atleast, So you can just sleep with him. Once you get back to houshold chores, set his routine in a way that best suits you As the one in which he fall asleep when it is time for you to sleep.
3. Share Child duties.
It is clear that huabands can’t diaper baby so don’t ask them for things they will say a direct ‘NO’. Especially here in Pakistan, a man never performs such stuff. Ask him what he can do easily as:
- Hold baby and let him finish formula milk.
- Hug him and make him sleep.
- Just keep an eye on him.
4. Re-think Priorities.
Number 1 rule should be to understand the reality. A new baby means a completely new human has arrived to your home place and you need to be clear on this that he wants your time. Husbands should not react like they have lost their importance and neither you should get panic with the new routine. Make up your mind to list down priorities. Moms please don’t despair, a time will come soon when everything will be settled and you would love the pleasure of being a mom.
5. Be humorous.
Laugh together. Ask each other funny questions to memorize initial days like what was your first impression on him? Which color you were wearing when you guys first met? And stuff like that!!
6. Yoga & Exercise.
Exercise is the best thing to add to your routine. It won’t just put you back in your previous body structure but also helps you maintain a stress-free life as it activates parasympathetic nervous system. Yoga promotes self healing. Also boosts personal power.
7. Embrace each other.
Cuddling and hugs release exhaustion and stress. Share bed and don’t think to take turns for the baby and sleep in separate room. According to experts, it is not a wise strategy. You need to sleep together as a couple otherwise there are chances that one loses importance earlier than it is ought to be.
8. Learn to listen to your partner.
The key to a healthy relationship is to learn adjustment rules. Understand your partner’s body language. Is everything fine with him/her? Try to understand unsaid words. Keep check you don’t upset your partner’s feelings. Don’t say hurtful things and trust each other.
9. Stay connected to your Partner.
Ask him about worries if any. Share your thoughts. Share naughty jokes and bring in a cup of tea for your partner and watch some comedy movie together.
10. Talk about your fantasies.
Explain your partner about your comfort zone and respect each other’s imaginations and mood swings.
Mommies, I would highly recommend all of you to give an honest opinion on how you were able to cope up with change after your first baby arrived? What if your little advice can make other’s life easier? Do participate in the chain that has just started ☺ Thank you for being part of discussion!